Library Juice 5:21 - June 6, 2002

Contents:

  1. Libr.org technical difficulties
  2. Special Library Edition of the Zine Rack
  3. June Issue of NewBreed Librarian
  4. Update on LOWNP (Library on Wheels for Nonviolence and Peace)
  5. Gagged by Google
  6. GATS A Growing Threat to Cultural Policy
  7. Data Quality Act could be hell
  8. Examples of Erroneously Blocked Web Sites: from the CIPA Decision
  9. Disciplined Minds
  10. Listserv BI-L to become ILI-L
  11. Roger Sween on the Minnesota State Library Smackdown
  12. Muffy Bolding has this great poem called "Librarian"
  13. "Make the Pie Higher" by George W. Bush
  14. Funny searches for May
  15. Save the protozoa from inappropriate material


Quote for the week:

"If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong."
-Mo Udall


Homepage of the week: David Little
http://david-little.org.uk/about/

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1. Libr.org technical difficulties

The web hosting company that I use is experiencing severe problems. This
resulted in libr.org losing a week's worth of updates, and more seriously,
the loss of my ability to distribute Library Juice via email.

This week I will be moving everything over to a new server, one run
non-commercially by an individual in Washington State who just likes to do
the sysadmin thing for nice people, because he is nice. When everything is
set up over there I will distribute this issue by email, along with new
instructions for subscribing & unsubscribing. In the meantime, tell your
friends that Library Juice is not dead! I shall return!! Or, I have
returned!! (If you are reading this in your email.)

-Rory
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2. Special Library Edition of the Zine Rack

Date: Mon, 03 Jun 2002 14:19:50 +0000
From: "Sean Stewart" <wsgo[at]hotmail.com>
To: rlitwin[at]earthlink.com

Hi Rory,

I thought you might be interested in my latest
Zine Rack column. All zines reviewed this time
are by former and current librarians, library
workers, and library school students. Enjoy!

http://www.newpages.com/magazinestand/zines/

Take care,

Sean
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3. June Issue of NewBreed Librarian

Date: 1 Jun 2002 18:23:11 -0000
From: NewBreed Librarian <crew[at]newbreedlibrarian.org>
To: Rory <rlitwin[at]earthlink.net>

Welcome to June and a new installment of NewBreed Librarian. This month we
bring you

NewBreed Librarian, http://www.newbreedlibrarian.org/
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4. Update on LOWNP (Library on Wheels for Nonviolence and Peace)

From: "yael" <reut[at]inter.net.il>
>To: "'Alfred Kagan'" <akagan[at]uiuc.edu>
>Subject: RE: Library on wheels
>Date: Thu, 23 May 2002 16:58:57 +0200
>X-Priority: 3 (Normal)
>Importance: Normal
>Status:
>
>Now I know what you mean.... Our "Library on Wheels" project is not
>functioning anymore. It was before my time here, and as I understood it was
>a project done in cooperation with a Palestinian organisation in the West
>Bank. Unfortunately, due to the lasting deterioration in the last couple of
>years, most of our work-relations with Palestinian organisation were cut
>off. The current reality makes it almost impossible to continue this kind of
>work, and even when we do work with Palestinian organisations in the West
>Bank our focus is on humanitarian aid at the moment. I could try and find
>you their contact if you'd like, I'm sure they could use your help.
>
>Yael
>
>
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5. Gagged by Google

Alternet, 05/30/02

Is the Internet truly a haven for those with alternative views? At
Alternet, coverage of Google's decision to pull an ad campaign for the
political blog of Anita Roddick, the founder of the socially
conscious/activist corporation the Body Shop. After making a political
comment with which the search engine apparently did not agree, Roddick's
ads were terminated. "It gets worse. When Roddick's website editor spoke to
the Google team about their policy, they told her they do not accept ads
for sites with any political content that could be perceived as 'anti'
anything." As the Congress and the courts continue to define the level of
protection speech is accorded on the Internet, it is interesting to see the
effects of corporate censorship.

http://www.alternet.org/story.html?StoryID=13254
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6. GATS A Growing Threat to Cultural Policy

International Network for Cultural Diversity, 05/03/02

An article posted at the International Network for Cultural Diversity
(INCD) says that the General Agreement on Trade in Services (GATS) is a
growing threat to cultural policy. GATS, one of the agreements under the
World Trade Organization, came into force in 1995 and is currently under
discussion again. The article at INCD states, "Already, GATS places
constraints on the ability of sovereign governments to implement cultural
policies and programs. Proposals in the new round of liberalization talks
and the comprehensive negotiating agenda adopted by the WTO, can only bring
further restrictions on governmental measures that support domestic
cultural expressions and ensure cultural diversity." The article goes on to
give a concise description of GATS, the cultural sector, and how GATS
applies to the cultural sector.

http://www.incd.net/paper03.html
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7. Data Quality Act could be hell

This interesting stuff taken directly from Jessamny West's Librarian.net:

The Data Quality Act allows people to object to errors on government
websitesand have them removed. However, critics fear that this will be the
new loophole for corporate apologists to request removal of information
they merely dislike. OMBWatch is trying to monitor what gets removed, and
why.

NYTimes article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2002/06/03/technology/03NECO.html

Letter from a chemical industry group to the EPA on the Act:
http://www.cpda.com/teampublish/139_629_3057.cfm

OMBWatch:
http://www.ombwatch.com

The United States Global Change Research Program also asked the
Environmental Protection Agency to modify its Web site on global warming to
reflect the scientific uncertainties about global climate change.

http://librarian.net/
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8. Examples of Erroneously Blocked Web Sites: from the CIPA Decision

Date: Mon, 03 Jun 2002 18:25:27 -0500
From: "Don Wood" <dwood[at]ala.org>
To: Intellectual Freedom Action News <ifaction[at]ala1.ala.org>
Reply to: dwood[at]ala.org

The following examples come from the decision of the Third Circuit
Court in ALA v. US, which is available at
http://www.paed.uscourts.gov/documents/opinions/02D0415P.HTM.

1.Examples of Erroneously Blocked Web Sites

Several of the erroneously blocked Web sites had content relating to
churches, religious orders, religious charities, and religious
fellowship organizations. These included the following Web sites: the
Knights of
Columbus Council 4828, a Catholic men's group associated with St.
Patrick's Church in Fallon, Nevada,
http://msnhomepages.talkcity.com/SpiritSt/kofc4828, which was
blocked
by Cyber Patrol in the "Adult/Sexually Explicit" category; the Agape
Church of Searcy,Arkansas, http://www.agapechurch.com,
which was blocked by Websense as "Adult Content"; the home page of the
Lesbian and Gay Havurah of the Long Beach, California Jewish Community
Center, http://www.compupix.com/gay/havurah.htm,
which was blocked by N2H2 as "Adults Only, Pornography," by
Smartfilter as "Sex," and by Websense as "Sex"; Orphanage Emmanuel, a
Christian orphanage in Honduras that houses 225 children,
http://home8.inet.tele.dk/rfb_viva, which was blocked by Cyber Patrol
in the "Adult/Sexually Explicit" category; Vision Art Online, which
sells wooden wall hangings for the home that contain prayers, passages
from the Bible, and images of the Star of David,
http://www.visionartonline.com, which was blocked in Websense's "Sex"
category; and the home page of Tenzin Palmo, a Buddhist nun, which
contained a description of her project to build a Buddhist nunnery and
international retreat center for women, http://www.tenzinpalmo.com,
which was categorized as "Nudity" by N2H2.

Several blocked sites also contained information about governmental
entities or specific political candidates, or contained political
commentary. These included: the Web site for Kelley Ross, a Libertarian
candidate for the California State Assembly,
http://www.friesian.com/ross/ca40, which N2H2 blocked as "Nudity";
the Web site for Bob Coughlin, a town selectman in Dedham,
Massachusetts, http://www.bobcoughlin.org, which was blocked under
N2H2's "Nudity" category; a list of Web sites
containing information about government and politics in Adams County,
Pennsylvania, http://www.geocities.com/adamscopa, which was blocked by
Websense as "Sex"; the Web site for Wisconsin Right to Life,
http://www.wrtl.org, which N2H2 blocked as "Nudity"; a Web site that
promotes federalism in Uganda, http://federo.com, which N2H2 blocked as
"Adults Only, Pornography"; "Fight the Death Penalty in the USA," a
Danish Web site dedicated to criticizing the American system of capital
punishment, http://www.fdp.dk, which N2H2 blocked as "Pornography";
and "Dumb Laws," a humor Web site that makes fun of outmoded laws,
http://www.dumblaws.com, which N2H2 blocked under its "Sex" category.

Erroneously blocked Web sites relating to health issues included the
following: a guide to allergies, http://www.x-sitez.com/allergy, which
was categorized as "Adults Only, Pornography" by N2H2; a health
question and answer site sponsored by Columbia University,
http://www.goaskalice.com.columbia.edu, which was blocked as "Sex" by
N2H2, and as "Mature" by Smartfilter; the Western Amputee Support
Alliance Home Page, http://www.usinter.net/wasa, which was blocked by
N2H2 as "Pornography"; the Web site of the Willis-Knighton Cancer
Center, a Shreveport, Louisiana cancer treatment facility,
http://cancerftr.wkmc.com, which was blocked by Websense under the
"Sex" category; and a site dealing with halitosis,
http://www.dreamcastle.com/tungs, which was blocked by N2H2 as
"Adults, Pornography," by Smartfilter as "Sex," by Cyber Patrol as
"Adult/Sexually Explicit," and by Websense as "Adult Content."

The filtering programs also erroneously blocked several Web sites
having to do with education and careers. The filtering programs blocked
two sites that provide information on home schooling. "HomEduStation -
the Internet Source for Home Education,"
http://www.perigee.net/~mcmullen/homedustation/, was categorized by
Cyber Patrol as "Adult/Sexually Explicit." Smartfilter blocked "Apricot:
A Web site made by and for home schoolers," http://apricotpie.com, as
"Sex." The programs also miscategorized several career-related sites.
"Social Work Search," http://www.socialworksearch.com/, is a directory
for social workers that Cyber Patrol placed in its "Adult/Sexually
Explicit" category. The "Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Southern Nevada,"
http://www.lambdalv.com, "a forum for the business community to
develop relationships within the Las
Vegas lesbian, gay, transsexual, and bisexual community" was blocked
by N2H2 as "Adults Only, Pornography." A site for aspiring dentists,
http://www.vvm.com/~bond/home.htm, was blocked by Cyber Patrol in its
"Adult/Sexually Explicit" category.

The filtering programs erroneously blocked many travel Web sites,
including: the Web site for the Allen Farmhouse Bed & Breakfast of
Alleghany County, North Carolina, http://planet-nc.com/Beth/index.html,
which Websense blocked as "Adult Content"; Odysseus Gay Travel, a
travel company serving gay men, http://www.odyusa.com, which N2H2
categorized as "Adults Only, Pornography"; Southern Alberta Fly
Fishing Outfitters, http://albertaflyfish.com, which N2H2 blocked as
"Pornography"; and "Nature and Culture Conscious Travel," a tour
operator in Namibia, http://www.trans-namibia-tours.com, which was
categorized as "Pornography" by N2H2.

The filtering programs also miscategorized a large number of sports
Web sites. These included: a site devoted to Willie O'Ree, the first
African-American player in the National Hockey League,
http://www.missioncreep.com/mw/oree.html, which Websense blocked under
its "Nudity" category; the home page of the Sydney University Australian
Football Club, http://www.tek.com.au/suafc, which N2H2
blocked as "Adults Only, Pornography," Smartfilter blocked as "Sex,"
Cyber Patrol blocked as "Adult/Sexually Explicit" and Websense blocked
as "Sex"; and a fan's page devoted to the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey
team, http://www.torontomapleleafs.atmypage.com, which N2H2 blocked
under the "Pornography" category.
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9. Disciplined Minds

For immediate release...

HUNDREDS OF PHYSICISTS AND OTHER SCHOLARS DEMAND REINSTATEMENT OF PHYSICIST
FIRED FOR WRITING BOOK

More than 750 scientists and other scholars in a wide range of fields have
condemned the American Institute of Physics for firing Physics Today
magazine staff editor Jeff Schmidt over his book, Disciplined Minds (Rowman
& Littlefield Publishers). Among the protesters signing letters delivered
on 14 January 2002 are two Nobel Prize winning scientists and more than 500
physicists -- the largest number of physicists ever to speak out on a
freedom-of-expression issue in the United States.

The protesters have written a flurry of letters demanding that the magazine
reinstate Schmidt, who was fired after 19 years on the job a few days after
officials at Physics Today and the American Institute of Physics, which
publishes the magazine, saw his book. Disciplined Minds is about the
politics of professional work, and uses the education and employment of
physicists to illustrate its points. The origin of job dissatisfaction,
argues Schmidt, is employers' insistence on exclusive control over the
political aspects of the work, and the subordination of the vision of those
who actually do it.

The details of the case are explained in an appeal to scientists by three
professors of physics and in a statement by two former Physics Today staff
members. (See the appeal appended below.) The appeal resulted in a
protest letter signed by more than 540 individuals, mainly physicists.
About 100 individuals, mainly physicists and former Physics Today staff
members, drafted other letters blasting the magazine for its repressive
behavior and likewise demanding Schmidt's reinstatement. Massachusetts
Institute of Technology linguist and social critic Noam Chomsky helped to
solicit signatures on another protest letter, which has been signed by
about 150 scholars and others at institutions across the country, in a wide
variety of fields outside of the sciences.

Ironically, the American Institute of Physics is governed by the American
Physical Society and other physics organizations that often speak out
publicly when dissident physicists outside the United States are punished
for expressing their views.

All of the group and individual letters, along with the names and
affiliations of the more than 750 signers, are posted on the Web at
http://disciplined-minds.com.

The protests forced the American Institute of Physics to break its silence
and issue a very revealing public statement, which is posted on the Web at
http://disciplined-minds.com -- along with a response by physicists Talat
Rahman of Kansas State University, George F. Reiter of the University of
Houston, Michael A. Lee of Kent State University, and Denis G. Rancourt of
the University of Ottawa.

The protesters include scientists from 34 countries: Argentina, Australia,
Austria, Bahrain, Belgium, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, Denmark, England,
Finland, France, Germany, Greece, India, Israel, Italy, Japan, Mexico, The
Netherlands, New Zealand, Peru, Poland, Portugal, Puerto Rico, Russia,
Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Ukraine, United States, Yugoslavia --
and, in a turn of the table on free-expression, Cuba.

Contact: SpeechRights[at]aol.com

-------------------------

THE APPEAL...

Dear fellow scientist,

As you may have heard, Physics Today magazine recently gave a very
punishing review to a book written by physicist Jeff Schmidt: The magazine
fired him.

Jeff was a staff editor at Physics Today for 19 years -- until his
supervisors saw Disciplined Minds, a thought-provoking critique of
workplace hierarchy and the politically subordinate role of salaried
professionals. The book uses physicists and physics graduate school to
help illustrate points about professionals and professional training in
general.

Within days of learning about his irreverent book, the higher-ups at
Physics Today dismissed Jeff summarily, apparently using the book as an
opportunity to retaliate against him for his workplace activism and to
ignore his widely praised work for the magazine. Details of Jeff's firing
are given in the attached statement by two former Physics Today staff
members.

Please join us in protesting Jeff's dismissal, by adding your name to the
attached letter. We will send the letter to Marc H. Brodsky, Executive
Director and CEO of the American Institute of Physics, which publishes
Physics Today, and we will also post it on the Web.

To add your name to the letter, please send an e-mail message to
SpeechRights[at]aol.com. Include your name and an affiliation, such as your
department and institution. Please ask others to add their names, too.

You can also write directly to Marc Brodsky, at brodsky[at]aip.org. If you
do, please send a copy of your letter to SpeechRights[at]aol.com so that it
can be posted on the Web.

Your support will make a big difference.

Sincerely,

Talat Rahman
Fellow of the American Physical Society
University Distinguished Professor
Department of Physics
Kansas State University

George F. Reiter
Professor of Physics
University of Houston

Michael A. Lee
Professor of Physics
Kent State University

14 January 2002

--------

At http://disciplinedminds.tripod.com/protests.htm you will find much more,
including:

Protest letter from 541 physicists and others

Renowned linguist Noam Chomsky and 145 scholars and others protest firing

Physicists and others blast Physics Today. Read 85 of their letters...

http://disciplinedminds.tripod.com/
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10. Listserv BI-L to become ILI-L

From: "smcdanie[at]library.berkeley.edu" <smcdanie[at]library.berkeley.edu>

Dear BI-L Subscribers,

I'm pleased to announce that the online community that Martin Raish created
with the BI-L Listserv will be sustained in a new iteration, ILI-L
(Information Literacy Instruction Listserv).

ILI-L will be hosted on the American Library Association server, sponsored
by the Instruction Section of the Association of College and Research
Libraries, and moderated by the Instruction Section List Manager. With
ILI-L, we hope to sustain the thriving exchange on instruction and
information literacy that has made BI-L such an important venue for
communication among librarians from a variety of settings and backgrounds.

The BI-L welcome message offered the following list of topics to be
discussed on BI-L: "the practical, theoretical and technical aspects of
helping library users locate, evaluate, and manage
information. Contributors to [BI-L] deal with the practical, theoretical,
and technical aspects of what has been called Bibliographic Instruction,
Library Use Instruction, Library Orientation, and several other names.[..]
We examine, explore, critique, appraise, and evaluate strategies, programs,
and equipment that we have found to be valuable (or not) in working toward
the goal of creating self-confident library users."

In recent years, we have increasingly framed our discussions of these
topics in the wider context of information literacy. The 1989 Report of
the Presidential Committee on Information Literacy defined information
Literacy as the ability to "recognize when information is needed and have
the ability to locate, evaluate, and use effectively the needed
information." (http://www.ala.org/acrl/nili/ilit1st.html). The new name of
the list addresses this broader framework, while still encompassing all the
topics we talked about in the past.

Having the list hosted on the American Library Association server and
managed by the ACRL Instruction Section List Manager will assure that this
important listserv will have a permanent home. Please be assured that the
list will not become a venue for ACRL Instruction Section business: a
separate network of listservs is in place for that purpose. This new
location and sponsorship does not imply an exclusive focus on academic
libraries: part of what made BI-L great was the active participation of
librarians from a variety of settings, and we hope you will all remain
active contributors to the new iteration of the list.
__________________________

In order to facilitate an orderly switch, we ask that you subscribe to
ILI-L as follows:

  1. To avoid overwhelming the ALA server, please subscribe to the new
    list according to the following schedule: last names beginning A-L
    subscribe Friday May 31-Sunday June 2, last names beginning M-Z subscribe
    Monday June 3. If this schedule is inconvenient for you, please subscribe
    Tuesday June 4 and after. ILI-L will "go live" Tuesday June 4.
  2. Subscribe to ILI-L by sending a message to listproc[at]ala.org with
    the following text in the body of the message (send the message from the
    email address where you would like to receive your ILI-L messages):

subscribe ILI-L your name

For example, my message will read:

subscribe ILI-L Sarah McDaniel

After subscribing, you will receive a welcome message with instructions for
posting to the list and changing your personal settings.

3. There is no need to unsubscribe from BI-L, as the list will no longer
be active after Monday June 3.
_______________________________

Please email me at smcdanie[at]library.berkeley.edu if you have any questions
about ILI-L. I sincerely hope to hear from all of you soon on ILI-L.

Sarah McDaniel
Instruction Section List Manager 2001-2003
smcdanie[at]library.berkeley.edu
Doe/Moffitt Library, University of California - Berkeley
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11. Roger Sween on the Minnesota State Library Smackdown

June 4, 2002

An Open Letter to Minnesotans:

The Minnesota Department of Children, Families and Learning (CFL)
has among its statutory requirements the responsibility for state level
library services and development. As with its predecessor, the
Minnesota Department of Education, such responsibility has been
delegated to and administered by a unit in the department for nearly 100
years. Currently this unit is called Library Development and Services
(LDS). Every state has a state library agency such as LDS, that is
until now. In three weeks, LDS will be gone. How then will CFL address
the following:

Minnesota Statutes 134.31 Department of children, families, and
learning; library responsibilities.

Subdivision 1. The state shall, as an integral part of its
responsibility for public education, support the provision of library
service for every citizen, the development of cooperative programs for
the sharing of resources and services among all libraries, and the
establishment of jointly operated library services at a single location
where appropriate.

Subd. 2. The department of children, families, and learning shall give
advice and instruction to the managers of any public library or to any
governing body maintaining a library or empowered to do so by law upon
any matter pertaining to the organization, maintenance, or
administration of libraries. The department may also give advice and
instruction, as requested, to post-secondary educational institutions,
state agencies, governmental units, nonprofit organizations, or private
entities. It shall assist, to the extent possible, in the establishment
and organization of library service in those areas where adequate
services do not exist, and may aid in improving previously established
library services. The department shall also provide assistance to school
districts, regional library systems, and member libraries interested in
offering joint library services at a single location.

Subd. 3. The department may provide, for any library in the state,
books, journals, audiovisual items, information services or resource
materials it deems appropriate and necessary and shall encourage the
sharing of library resources and the development of interlibrary
cooperation.

Subd. 4. The department shall collect statistics on the receipts,
expenditures, services, and use of the regional public library systems
and the public libraries of the state. It shall also collect statistics
on all activities undertaken pursuant to sections 134.31 to 134.35.

As of Tuesday morning, June 4, 2002, Assistant Commissioner Ken
Hasledalen informed six LDS staff, including Director Joyce Swonger,
that their positions are eliminated as of June 28. Three other staff,
responsible for state and federal grant payments, will be reassigned to
Tom Melcher, Manager of the Program Finance Division. The Minnesota
Library for the Blind and Physically Handicapped, operating out of
Faribault, will be placed directly under Hasledalen, whose
responsibility is Management Services.

These changes reduce what were the overall functions of the state
library agency to grant administration. In so doing, top CFL
administrators acted alone; they did not consult with the affected
agency staff and they did not inform any of their library constituents.
In unilaterally abolishing the state library agency, CFL abandons two
areas of agency service. One is its own departmental library; the other
is the position that the state plays in public library development and
fostering cooperation among all libraries within the state.

Presumably, CFL administrators made these cuts to reduce
departmental expenditures by the 10% requested by the Governor, and they
have done so by radically reducing one whole section. So what is at
stake? What can we look for as of July 1?

The state will have no designated agency for library leadership
and coordination. Without a state library agency and state library
director, Minnesota will lose its eligibility for federal library funds,
currently at $2.6 million a year. When Congress funds the Literacy
through School Media program at a level to require state administration,
who will administer it? Federal programs require state level plans.
The 2003-2007 plan for the Library Services and Technology Act is due
July 30. How will it get in?

The state will lose many current services dependant on federal
funds. This means no contract for backup interlibrary loan and
reference service to public libraries. Tens of thousands of requests
will go unfilled. Also gone will be the support to deliver education to
front line library workers throughout the state who lack library degrees
and cannot afford to travel to obtain them.

There are no plans for the library science collection at LDS.
This source of professional literature, unique in the state, and
excellently served by its staff will no longer be available. The
"librarians' librarian," Darlene Arnold, who anticipates the information
needs of her colleagues throughout the state and meet those needs, will
be gone. The ability to keep currently informed and answer problems
that librarians, library students, trustees, library architects, public
officials, and many others face will be weakened, made more time
consuming and costly.

LDS is midway in assessing the status of school library media
services to meet student's learning needs and furnish skills and
resources that address the graduation standards. Is this effort to be
aborted? LDS is also midway in assessing its own structural position
for achieving functions common to state library agencies throughout the
country. A next steps assembly, representative of the library
community, is supposed to meet at the end of the month, just as the
agency sunsets.

None of this speaks to seemingly cruel and highhanded way in which
dedicated and long-term employees of the department have been summarily
dismissed.

I cannot believe this is what Minnesotans want. I cannot believe
that this is what budget-minded officials and legislators intend.

But when CFL officials act without concern for librarians or the
public served by libraries and fail to communicate in any mutual way, I
have no alternative but to share my concern with the state as a whole.

Roger Sween
2524 Oriole Circle
Red Wing MN 55066-4103
rdsween[at]redwing.net <mailto:rdsween[at]redwing.net>

Roger Sween was a library consultant and grant administrator at Library
Development and Services from May 1984 through June 2000.
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12. Muffy Bolding has this great poem called "Librarian"

Librarian

I have loved a hundred men-

Traveled the earth, sought them out, perused
The cafes, cathedrals, universities, auto
Shops, seaports, and hardware stores, acquiring each
Of them, a hundred strong, judging none

By just his cover. They are catalogued
All, sorted and filed, eager for my hands
To pluck, like posturing books from a potent shelfWaiting
for me to flutter their pages,

Caress their spine, and preen their gilded edges.
They vie to seduce me with their blurbs, and impress
Me with the grandness of their frontispiece. I mouth
Their names, with a shake of the coils at my nape.

I love them all the same-

One, who paints my toenails like rich,
Italian tiles; And One who tells me
My eyes are the exact color of his first
Car, a '69 Camaro Rally Sport,
With tuck and roll upholstery.

One, who stoically bears my shame,
Gallantly returning the videos three
Days late, paying my fines
With coins of his own making;
And One who paints cerulean doors, bakes yams,
And reads Roethke aloud, like a warrior-poet.

One, watchless, who tells perfect time
By a graceful glance at a certain slant
Of light tilting in through a bedroom window;
And One who visits me in my dreams, whispering
Alchemical equations in French, altering
The composition of my leaden heart.

One who can tinker with a car and drink a beer,
While discussing Libertarian theory
And the space/time continuum;
And One who wields a hockey stick
ike a hammer of the gods, then stops
And buys me tampons on his victorious
Journey home from the icy northern rink.

One who charts the stars
From a vessel named 'Dissent';
One who roars The Wasteland
As he staggers in the snow;
One who eats thunderous apples
To fill my sullen silence;
ne whose cruel, sensuous strides
Knife the air he moves through;
And One who weeps
At the sound
Of bagpipes.

I am their mistress and their keeper, these
Bound brothers, lined side by side
On the possessive shelves of my gallery.
It is my imprint between their covers.

No other book lovers are allowed to browse
My special collection, with their overdue root
Touch-ups, their screeching heels, their false
Beauty marks penciled on like dewy

Decimals, and their endless trails of perfume
On-recon. And if, peering over the top
Of my jealous spectacles, I should ever catch
Them there, sashaying my aisles,

I will raise one vengeful finger to my lips,
And shush them into nothingness.

-By Muffy Bolding

Published in Issue 3 of the Cortland Review
http://www.cortlandreview.com

Republished here with permission from Muffy, who sent me this updated bio:

Muffy Bolding is a withered debutante whose work has appeared in several
literary publications, including Amelia Magazine and Shrew. She has studied
poetry under DeWayne Rail, and was the Editor-in-Chief of the monthly
online satire magazine, Fresno Lampoon. Her hobbies include chasing
sailors, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She has slept
around -- but not nearly as much as she would have liked to. Ms. Bolding is
38, and in love with Ted Hughes.
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13. "Make the Pie Higher" by George W. Bush

Date: Wed, 5 Jun 2002 22:07:56 -0400
From: Mark Rosenzweig <iskra[at]earthlink.net>
To: alacoun[at]ala.org, member-forum[at]ala.org
Cc: plgnet-l[at]listproc.sjsu.edu, srrtac-l[at]ala.org
Reply to: member-forum[at]ala.org

Colleagues,This poem is composed entirely of actual quotes from George W.
Bush.The quotes have been arranged for aesthetic presentation by Washington
Post writer Richard Thompson.Too good not to share, especially during
National Poetry Month...forwarded by M Rosenzweig

MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where
our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize Society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!
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14. Funny searches for May

The following are a whole lotta amusing searches that led to pages on
libr.org during the month of May. It's interesting to see how some people
search. I imagine that many of these searches come from children or
non-native English speakers.

juice for christ
Photos of Shitty Vans
why do we need government in the first place?
irish setter pics
"finding material on those people"
wolf blitzer jew hater
classy cars of the future
what does the word Insipid means
"now all purpose cleaner"
prostitution should be illegalized
spud gun tripod plans
arguing
how do we know when the world is going to end
scary shit
dwood sexy
exedrin and thinker
tattoo natchitoches
mouth breather definition
bun laden
garlic religion
gary north is a big fat idiot
free bestiality no money
dating wed page
Jcrew catalogue cover ass
eradicating moss
gay teens who wrestle
how many millionaires in this world
i hate hipmama
lexis-nexis username and password illegal access
playboy metadata
words that end in V
"reasons not to join the military"
how do I over-ride bess
what to put on a poster project
History of Ardvarks
quotes for girls
dog show activism
feminist arguments against masculinity
librarianship stupid
materials used for bellydancing
inferority
hot to change your name
personal e-mail address of all doctors in lahore
student essay on parrot in the oven
How To Juice
seven mighty blows to traditional beliefs
how much are back issues of Hustler magazine worth
Opinion of USA Former President Bill Clinton about happiness
professionalism and yelling
Mike Tyson Quotes
metacrap
fold dollar to find info on Sept.11
those humorous research librarians
cone of silence + libraries
gay fat wrestlers
nobody
juice in can from USA
pierced tongue, what does it mean
male milking machine
rebirthing engine share library
"male milking"
y do people collect pez
record number of piercings
sexy scientology babe pics
mau mau songs
"eye hospital" duluth
Smoking article
loony left
ive been doing this for 25 years
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15. Save the protozoa from inappropriate material

From: "Andrew McLaughlin" <mclaughlin[at]pobox.com>
To: <declan[at]well.com>
Subject: Amusing spoof of .kids.us
Date: Wed, 22 May 2002 00:12:13 -0400

Finally, someone is doing something to protect the nation's vulnerable
protozoa from the scourge of inappropriate material:

http://www.protozoa.us

No legislation required.

--andrew
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